Alexa’s Rules For Life

Life is a twisted maze of questions and conundrums, and you can get lost if you’re not careful. Here is a list of rules I’ve put upon myself through my own personal experiences and mis-steps. A moral compass if you will. Whether or not you  choose take these rules to heart, is your own decision.

But I can promise you: you’ll be sorry if you don’t.

How did I become so wise, you ask? Well, I suppose I can’t take all the credit. I owe quite a bit to my daily cocktail of red wine, awkward silences, chewable vitamin C, and a complete lack of awareness for respectable society.

Thank you.

1. Always be wary of working for someone who refers to themselves as “a cool boss.”

2. If you have to tell someone your cool, chances are pretty good that you’re not.

3. If you ever refer to yourself as being a nerd, chances are, you’re probably pretty cool, or at least I will think you are.

4. Don’t believe a man if he tells you he was “too busy to call.” If a guy has time to use the restroom throughout the day, then he certainly has time to call you.

 

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And now……

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5. This means he might actually call you from work while using the restroom. Be polite and ignore the echo.

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6. People look stupid when they over use “quote unquote” hand gesture with their fingers.

7. I really need to work on not using the “quote unquote” hand gesture.

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8. Turning on the golf channel in a lady’s presence is ungentlemanly, uncouth and a societal faux pas in it’s lowest form.

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9. Ladies, just because a celebrity can pull off a look, doesn’t mean you can. If you’ve ever been out at a bar looking like this:

The only thing  that guy you were talking to was thinkig is: “I wonder if this Indian chick here has any hot friends?”

10. When you first start dating a woman, avoid all exclamation points and smiley faces. Trust me.

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11. Never engage in road rage with someone within 150 yards of your destination. Chances are you could be going to the same place.

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12. An alarm clock is never a good gift.

13. Please don’t talk to me about American Idol.

14. Always admire you guy’s air guitar. Because every man wants to feel like a rockstar.

15. Penguins, doves and socks. They all mate for life. And so should you.